im back. lol. every time i reread these entries, the professionalism in me says to delete it. i visit my website to curate + groom + brush + stoke my public image. what if everyone already knew me?
i wish that everyone would (could) already trust me upon meeting me. i wish that i would (could) already trust everyone when i meet them. the reason, one of the reasons i keep a clean minimal website (when i do, i would not say i do now) is so that strangers would think i have my shit together. the truth is i kinda do. lol. shit falls apart constantly and comes back together.
i think what really keeps me down is the imaginary possibility that there is life outside of chaos. the truth is that that is death.
the point at which i am entirely organized, all my laundry is clean and folded, all my emails replied to -- that is the point that i am not living anymore.
like that's heavy to say litterally and i mean it that way. also figuatively. more poetically... but seriously -- if i dont have laundry to do then im not wearing clothes and im not going outside and im not sweating or eating or breathing.
i just read the last time i wrote here and felt immediately exposed. i came into edit here to delete it. but i think ill keep it. i forgot already those things happened. i just finished making the flyer for aly's show and i really like it. i made it like carter and reggie's with one of maggy's pictures of daniela at kai's birthday party. i love how many people who are close to me are directly connected in inspiring the flyer, making it/ the form/ the content of it, and the purpose of it. i am growing tired of making flyers today and last week but this practice is important to me so ill keep following it. im tired of it because of the focused sitting. i want to record the songs i wrote alone, but since flyers are time sensitive they take precedence. im worried i wont ever have the time or be able to make the time.
ive relaxed to let my room stay in a state of mess. my clothes can stay on the ground theres others things i rather organize than them.
hi im feeling much better. i was so sick this weekend, the pain was terrible. elaine and i had a wonderful band practice and matt agreed to be our drummer. maggy got a steady job at a gallery. taylor is wrapping up their application for summer fellowship at the high. im sure theyll get it. queer skate day three is happening! i printed the flyers today. when i sent them to the crew they said it is cute. were good, were good.
hi im blair ive been feeling particularly unfocused the past few days and questioning my productivity in the past few months since i graduated. im worried ive been putting my energy into too many activities. i fear i am veering from my future goals. i want to have a practice that is singular and focused. just photos of. just videos of. but i keep making music and books and drawing frank ocean lyrics on my pants.
i am worried i am not treating my friends as well as they deserve. really thats on my mind the most but i guess since this is my "art website" i started there... i go through few day cycles of feeling like everyones doing well, then everyone is either bad, mad or done with me. but then it clears up. im still inept at fostering a romantic relationship but i feel like im getting better. i can awknowlege im learning.
my name is blair leblanc. i came into this world in 1994. i am an artist born and raised in atlanta.
please reach out about anything <3 email@example.com